shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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