We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
