did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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