Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
