the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
