when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
