Screwed.edu
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
