If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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