we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
