I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
