I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
