Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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