Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
