she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
