Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
