chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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