So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
