Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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