I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
