You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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