I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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