I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
