He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
