It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
