i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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