I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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