He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
