Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
