i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
