i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
