My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
