i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
