If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
