apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
