no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
