My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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