bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
