i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
