I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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