I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
