Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
