I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
