i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
