Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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