Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
