I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
