If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
