drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh god it's open bar.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We smell like vodka and hangover
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