Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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