I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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