eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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